Strange Things Happen To Me

Allegedly, my father has a private psychotherapy practice.

He supposedly sees clients at least three nights a week.

He has not been paid since June of 2008.

"___" my mother said tonight. "Why haven't you brought home any money? You haven't produced any money in more than six months yet you go out and see clients."

"Strange things happen to me!" says Peabo. "I am just as surprised by this as you. I do not understand it."

"But how can you work and bill and not get any money?" she asks. I cover my eyes.

"I AM JUST AS SURPRISED BY THIS AS YOU ARE!" he says. "Strange things happen to me. I get pages and pages of documents and they want me to do things, like answer an interrogatory."

"So you don't open them?"

"I do!" he says. "I just have trouble following up on them."

He pauses. "And for example the other day, I got a call from a woman and she left 9 or 10 numbers."

I pointed out that there were typically 10 numbers in a phone number. "I don't know, there were 19 or so numbers. I could not understand her message. Then, she called again. This time the number was normal. So I texted her."

Red flag.

"I texted her the amount her husband owed. Then, she asks, can he fix your car instead. I said, 'No, and I will be - pleasantly, in parentheses - surprised if he pays anything. And that must have offended him because I have not heard from him since."

At this point, I had to leave the room. Still, I could hear the conversation continue. Though it shifted subjects dramatically.

"If I look down, and I have pulled my leg up as high as I can, my foot is one inch off the ground," he says.

"What does that mean?" my mother says?

"It means f&^king potholders can trip me up. That's f&%ked up."