Sunday, July 19, 2009

Useful Things

I arrived home this morning from my triathlon to find my father smoking happlily in bed in his boxer briefs, a drizzle of chocolate down one side of his face, and what appeared to be a potato on a string around his neck.

"Dad, why do you have a potato around your neck?" I asked.
"It's a lucky rock," he said. "It's got a fucking natural hole in it. You gotta put a string through it."
"Ah," I said.

Moments ago but hours later, I went out on the deck and found him sitting with my mother and brother. I noticed the string and asked him if he was still wearing the potato. He said he was but "I am going to wear it for one straight day and then take it off. It is a bit cumbersome. But, it does help me to sleep while sitting upright."

"That's great," said my brother. "That's just what you look for in a lucky rock. 'I got this rock and it has enabled me to sleep upright. For two straight weeks.'"

My mother suggested he try it in back to help him sit upright. He did so.

"That doesn't do much for your neck, Dad," I said. "You look like you're being garroted."

"Hmm," he said. "It is better in back, but not great. You know, I tried to think when I put it on how I could do it without hurting myself. I considered a shoulder harness."

I am glad I did not come across my father in the boxer briefs with a shoulder harness and the gilded eyeglasses. I think it would have undone any good done by the triathlon.