Moist

I feel like I need to preface this with the assertion that I care about my clients and respect them. That said, sometimes my job is flat out hilarious.

Today, I have a client I saw once before. He looks like a flounder. Ok, his eyes are on both sides of his face, but he is damp and pale with a nose like a fish snout. He keeps leaning in to me. Closer and closer. Eventually, he has a death grip on my arm as he attempts to convey his point. I do not understand his point. He said the exact same gibberish the last time we were there. He had certain things the court required he do and he has done none of these.

Rather than let me address the judge, he plunges in. He is unable to modulate his voice and it is very difficult to understand him because he keeps throwing legal phrases around, none of which mean what he thinks they mean. Many therefores. No need for therefores. He also gets very hung up on a few acronyms for treatment centers. No one knows what they mean. He seems to think if he says them repeatedly and loudly, the judge will understand. The judge does not understand.

The last straw is when he draws me into a close hug. The judge intervenes at this point. He does not seem to understand what was wrong with the hug. He does not let go of me immediately.

Eventually, the judge loses patience. She says he's going to jail. He does not take this well. I am really not looking forward to the next time - and there will be a next time - I see him.

Apropos of nothing, I must note that the judge had a side ponytail.