There is such a thing as being too nice.

So, I'm doing video court from the jail this morning. It's going well. The people I think should be released are getting released, everything's moving quickly. I've remembered a pen so the clerks don't turn on me, as they were apparently about to. Over pens. But I digress. They keep certain defendants in solitary cells as they're waiting for court but we rarely know why. So I get my guy out of one of those and I arraign him and I've just made an argument to have him released when I look down. And his hand's in his pants. And it's not sitting still. That's right. A little public pleasuring.

The worst part? I'm convinced the judge is going to let him out so I DON'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING until the camera's off.

One day, all the times I've been fucked over by being a soft touch are going to swell up and turn me into a raving Republican.